A Day in the Life of Carrie Poe...

   What makes today different than any other day? It seemed like an average Monday: Wake up, do the homework that I waited to do all weekend, get ready for class, go to class, eat lunch with Danny, ditch out on Microbiology, and then visit the baby sister until my Wyld Life meeting at 4pm. Yes, this is the usual schedule of my day, every week. Frankly, when looked at like this, it seems boring, simple, and almost meaningless. Now, I am not going to lie, I usually seem to get bored with my life; it seems to be the same routine over and over again; the same circular path that starts at the same spot every day. What's the point?
     Yet, some times, I find myself being a person of detail. Why shouldn't we appreciate all of the small things or backgrounded things in our life? If looked at more closely, it would be apparent that this Monday is unlike any other Monday I have ever experienced and different than any other that is to come.  This morning, I awoke to find out that I did not have as much homework as I normally and, because I was house sitting/dog sitting, I woke up to a very happy puppy (which we know that I love very much). I cleaned the house, made it back to school, and found parking with time to spare before class. I then didn't fall asleep or find my self being too bored in class. I ran into Danny in the cafeteria, and then enjoyed eating lunch with him. I do miss seeing him all the time. Furthermore, I decided that it was not worth going to microbiology because it just makes me upset, and my grade wouldn't suffer. Instead, I got to go shopping with my mother and baby sister. This was by far, the better option of spending my time.
      Sadly, this is when my anxiety hit pretty hard. I briefly began to wonder about my boyfriend was doing, and then questioned myself of what he thought of me. This lead me to believe that he didn't like me and didn't want to be with me for a brief second. However, I continued to panic because I believed that, just for thinking such a thought, I was then going to cause that very idea to happen. I then realized that I had absolutely no plan for the Wyld Life meeting that I was supposed to run, so I called Ben twice to ask him for ideas. I panicked and cried to myself because he didn't answer.
     However, minutes before I walked through the door to my meeting, my boyfriend called. I tried to explain to him that I was panicking, and he did his usual giggle and calmed me down. I must say, I wish more credit was given to Ben for how great of a person he really is. I wish that he didn't have to deal with my anxiety as much as I wish that I didn't have to deal with it. He is truly a light in my heart and I love him to death.
      When I went to my meeting, I further realized that my fellow Young Life leaders are an amazing group of friends that I am blessed to have. I was able to explain to them what was going on with me and, though they may not understand me, they felt for me; what else could you ask from a friend?
     It was in this moment that I realized that I should pay attention to the more delicate and hidden things in life. What was missed in my beginning list of my routine? What makes today different than any other day? Everything!
   I may have an anxiety disorder that interrupts my every day life, but I have far more than that. I have a loving family, an amazing boyfriend, and a great group of friends that love me and support me through anything. And it is in this that I have confidence that everything, in the end, is going to be okay.

An Opening Comment...

   Recently, I have been diagnosed with "generalized anxiety." According to the mental health institute, it is composed of the following information: 


          "People with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) go through the day filled with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it. They anticipate disaster and are overly concerned about health issues, money, family problems, or difficulties at work. Sometimes just the thought of getting through the day produces anxiety.

GAD is diagnosed when a person worries excessively about a variety of everyday problems for at least 6 months. People with GAD can’t seem to get rid of their concerns, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. They can’t relax, startle easily, and have difficulty concentrating. Often they have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical symptoms that often accompany the anxiety include fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, nausea, lightheadedness, having to go to the bathroom frequently, feeling out of breath, and hot flashes.

When their anxiety level is mild, people with GAD can function socially and hold down a job. Although they don’t avoid certain situations as a result of their disorder, people with GAD can have difficulty carrying out the simplest daily activities if their anxiety is severe.

GAD affects about 6.8 million American adults, including twice as many women as men. The disorder develops gradually and can begin at any point in the life cycle, although the years of highest risk are between childhood and middle age. There is evidence that genes play a modest role in GAD.

Other anxiety disorders, depression, or substance abuse often accompany GAD, which rarely occurs alone. GAD is commonly treated with medication or cognitive-behavioral therapy, but co-occurring conditions must also be treated using the appropriate therapies."  (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-disorders/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad.shtml) 

  Basically, I am starting this blog for many reasons: I have been thinking a lot more on life lately and it's meanings and I want to share these thoughts, I want to process my thoughts and feelings through writing, and I want to give others a view into how my brain works, as so many people say they don't really understand me or get "the way I work." 

   I would love people to read it, but I am not looking for people to think that they have to. I suppose that I should warn people now that I don't really care all that much about my English or correct grammar, so don't follow my blog if it bothers you. I am not here to prove my intelligence level to anyone, but merely to share my mind and life with those who care to follow. 

  For now, I am off to bed. There will be more to come of this experimental blog later.